Saturday, February 20, 2021

I am a 2. 

Specifically, a 2w1, one-to-one instinctual variant.

Finding that out has been a really big step in helping me understand myself.

I've always liked personality tests and quizzes just for entertainment, but while some tests get some things right, they can be a little superficial and broad. Yes, I'm logical, analytical, methodical, detail-oriented, precise, etc. Those are small details, but it always seemed like they were missing the bigger picture. Those are parts of me, but not the core of who I am. 

Do they explain that I lead with my heart, and then use my head after? Do they explain why I care so intensely, yet personal relationships can be very difficult for me?

When I took an Enneagram test and started reading about Twos, I immediately identified with so many things. It defines what drives me; Why I desire connection and depth; What my weaknesses are; What I fear the most; Why rejection cuts me so deep; How I have trouble communicating my expectations and boundaries, and also repress or minimize my feelings and needs, much to my own detriment; It's almost too specific. Uncomfortably so. I have some things to work on. 

A lot of these things I already knew, but hearing it summed up so succinctly, especially from an outside source, is a very different way to experience truth about yourself. Obviously, there’s more to me, but this is such a large part of how I operate. 

I found a group on Reddit for Twos and it's both comforting and surreal to read about people like me who go through all of the same things I do. I get it.

I've always been drawn to music in the way that it can express what I can't. This song is from an album written about the Enneagram types, a song for each one. I’ve never connected with a song so closely. I feel it in all kinds of ways. 

What a privilege it is to love. A great honor to hold you up.