Saturday, April 3, 2021

My energy has changed recently. It’s hard to put into words exactly why. It’s a combination of few different things, I think: Perspective; Positive self-talk; Self discovery; My incredible inner circle of supportive people; Working on being assertive enough to communicate what I need; Accepting that I am loved.

I feel a sense of calm. Balance. Quiet confidence. Less anxious about attachments. It's kind of like rather than my cup being empty and constantly trying to fill it, now it's full and I have more to share.

I read a lot about emotional health and boundaries. I've had this misconception that boundaries are hindrances, as if they're the opposite of closeness. What I didn’t notice is that I was giving up my peace of mind and emotional well-being so others can have theirs. Mistake. Classic Type 2 pattern. People-pleasing is a dangerous little game; Letting everything slide to keep the peace. At what cost? What about my peace?

It's not that I don’t have hard days. This isn’t a social media post where everything is sunshine all the time and you only get to see my perfect life. I prefer real, and I’m so far from perfect. It’s not hard to go back through everything that I’ve written and find some difficult times. There will be more. It’s not about being perfect, but understanding that you never will be and forgiving yourself for it. The important point, though, is the progress. The things that I told myself yesterday are the things I believe today.

Speaking of social media, it’s interesting that we’re so conditioned by that culture that it’s jarring for people when others are genuine or admit their faults or weaknesses. People don’t know what to do with vulnerability. It's not their normal. Imperfection is counterculture. Be different by being a real, live human being.