Wednesday, June 3, 2020

I really put my heart into this self portrait project and I tried to make sense of how I feel and who I am. I wanted it to mean more than just photographs. I’m not done with it yet, but I’ve learned a lot about myself. I can see a progression of changes in attitude and emotional states as I look through them. Yes, some of them were just goofy ideas that popped into my head, but I still learned something from them. There have been a few sessions over the past few months where I felt so alone or overwhelmed that having this creative outlet was the only thing that got me by. I'm stronger for it.

When I started, a common theme I was dealing with was my self worth. So many things made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. I focus in my mistakes and failures way too much. I placed a lot of emphasis on how people treated me or where I thought I was on people's list of priorities. The more I understand who I am, the less that affects me.

It’s not my place to worry about how people think of me or who wants to be in my life or not. I know my strengths and I have a better understanding of my value as a person. I love fiercely and I would do anything for those in my inner circle. It’s a small group and you have to earn my trust first, but once you’re in, you have it for life. I’ll always be there for you. Always support you. Always have your back. It’s rare to find someone who genuinely cares, wants the best for you, and will be loyal to the end. That is worth holding on to.

I can’t feel bad for myself if someone rejects that. They’re missing out, but I have too much love to give to dwell on it.