Friday, March 20, 2020

Still letting this beard experiment go to see what happens. It's longer than it's ever been, and while it's itchy as hell sometimes, it's almost comforting in a way. Like a blanket for my face. While others may not like it as much as I do, I'm too curious to give up now.

Here's an interesting fact about me. I dealt with a lot of bullying growing up. I was the center of a lot of ridicule and humiliation during some pretty formative years and it affected me for a long time. Still does. I was angry for many years because I wasn't happy with who I was and I didn't want anyone to get close enough to be able to hurt me. It took me way too long to realize that being angry isn't strength. Being kind is strength. I'm obviously not the same person I was back then, but that shit stays with you. Because of that, I'm still really selective about who I allow to get close to me. I don't open up easily. My friendship is earned. There's a lot that rolls off my back, but I'm particularly sensitive to people within that circle. The more I respect you and value you, the more sensitive I am to your opinions of me and how you treat me.

There's a positive side to what I've gone through. I don't like to see anyone bullied, and I'm protective over people. I also appreciate people's differences and I can get along with a lot of different personality types. I'll defend people who can't defend themselves and stand up to people who assert power over others to get what they want. I get mad when I see someone ELSE get cut off in traffic. I enjoy confrontation more than most.

I say things that hurt people's feelings, too, and I take that really hard, which is why I'm usually quick to fix it if you let me know. I get really disappointed in myself when that happens. I don't want to be that person. It's okay if you don't like me, but I don't want to be known as an unkind person.